June 3rd 2026:

If you're ever feeling like your house is too small, just remember: somewhere out there, a hermit crab has to carry his home on his back everywhere he goes. And he never once got to write off the mortgage interest.

June 4th 2026:

They say a man's home is his castle. If that's true, I think mine is more of a castle that someone added a sunroom onto in 1987, and the sunroom doesn't quite match, and there's a smell in there that the previous owners said was nothing.

June 5th 2026: 

When I look at a house with "good bones," I always wonder — good bones compared to what? A jellyfish? A cloud? I think we set a pretty low bar when we start complimenting buildings for having a skeleton.

June 6th 2026: 

Sometimes I think about open floor plans, and how everyone wanted them, and how now everyone's complaining that there's nowhere quiet to take a phone call. And I think: that right there is the whole story of human civilization.

June 8th 2026 - 

I once heard someone say location, location, location. I thought, yes, but also: roof, roof, roof. Foundation, foundation, foundation. And maybe just once: mold inspection, mold inspection, mold inspection.

 June 15th 2026 - 

Some people buy a house for the neighborhood, some for the schools, and some because the breakfast nook spoke to them on a spiritual level at 11 a.m. on a Sunday after two cups of coffee and an open house that had freshly baked cookies. And I think all of those are valid reasons.

 

June 25th 2026 - 

They say the kitchen is the heart of the home. If that's true, then the garage is probably the liver — it's where everything you can't deal with right now goes to be stored indefinitely. And the basement is something I don't want to think about.