June 3rd 2026:

If you're ever feeling like your house is too small, just remember: somewhere out there, a hermit crab has to carry his home on his back everywhere he goes. And he never once got to write off the mortgage interest.

June 4th 2026:

They say a man's home is his castle. If that's true, I think mine is more of a castle that someone added a sunroom onto in 1987, and the sunroom doesn't quite match, and there's a smell in there that the previous owners said was nothing.